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My friend is throwing a house party next Friday at her boyfriend’s house because she’s turning 18 (well, she will be on the 28th, but she’s celebrating on the Friday that week), and I just think about it and get really nervous and panicky because I’ve never been to a house party, or been in situations even remotely close to that. Not to mention SHE is the ONLY person I talk to that is going; everyone else is a complete stranger, or someone I know that ignores my existence completely. I don’t want to go because the thought of being in a place where everyone is drinking and loud and more or less out of control makes me sick and really anxious, but she’s my best friend and I love her so much and I want to be there for her to make sure nothing goes wrong and that she’s safe and that no one does anything wildly inappropriate towards her, her boyfriend’s house, mother, grandmother, or their belongings.
I try to picture myself at her party, and literally all I see is me standing against a wall by myself, and walking around to make sure nothing is broken or on fire and that clothes remain on the body.
